Humanising Language Teaching
Year 4; Issue 6; November 02
Two Belgian Jokes
From Clement Laroy, Belgium
At the cafe
- My wife has threatened to divorce me unless I give up fishing
- Well, that's not very kind of her
- No, but I'm really going to miss her!
A policeman is standing next to traffic lights and a lady pulls up, waiting for the traffic light to go green. It does turn green, but the driver does not move off. The policeman looks at her and signals that the light has turned green.
The driver smiles but doesn't move.
The policeman insists. She smiles again.
He moves closer to the car, signals that he would like her to wind down her
window, which she does.
“Madam”, he says, “I'm afraid this is really the greenest light we've got!”
Christine Van Deyck
Dutch Teacher, I.E.P.S.C.F./Uccle
It was Christmas Eve. A poor tramp entered a pet shop and said to the salesman:
"It'll be Christmas soon, I am cold and alone. I desperately need company.
Please give me a parrot."
The salesman was a bit surprised and asked the tramp:
"How much money do you have?"
The tramp answered: "5 euros".
"I'm sorry, Sir, but our parrots are much more expensive. They cost 300 euros!"The tramp started crying:
"I can't stand it any more. I'm desperately lonely. I need a friend. I beg you to give me one of your parrots."The salesman, who wasn't a bad guy, was moved and finally gave him a lousy,old parrot.The happy tramp went out with the bird on his shoulder. It was pouring outside and suddenly, the parrot shouted:
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
From Karine Rocher, English teacher, I.E.P.S.C.F.-Uccle, Belgium
George Phillips of Meridian Mississippi was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked
“Is someone actually in your house ?”
“No” he replied.
Then they said all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George said “Okay”, hung up, counted to 30 and phoned the police again.
“Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all.”
Then he hung up.
Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips residence.
Of course, the police caught the burglars red handed. One of the policemen said to George :
“I thought you said that you'd shot them !”
George said : “I thought you said there was nobody available !”
Dutch teacher, I.E.P.S.C.F. - Uccle
Bush, Blair, the Pope, Berlusconi and a little boy are travelling in an airplane. Suddenly, the pilot comes and says the plane is about to crash and everyone should jump. But there are only four parachutes.
So Bush says : “I'm the most important guy in the world. I have no choice. I have to jump…” He takes the first parachute and jumps.
Right after, Blair says : “As I am the most important person in Europe, I have no choice…”
He takes the second parachute and jumps.
Then Berlusconi looks at the Pope and the little boy and says :
“Sorry guys, but I'm the most intelligent person in Europe. I can't stay”
And he jumps.
So the Pope looks at the little boy and tells him he's going to stay on the plane because he's already so old and so sick.
The little boy answers :
“Don't worry Holy Father. There's no problem : Berlusconi jumped with his backpack !”